Feel ur feelingss

Hi! My name’s Shelby! I’m new to this and have no clue what I’m doing or where I want to start or what I want to talk about!

 One thing about me is that I love to journal. I love the way I can start writing all of my thoughts out on a blank piece of paper and after five minutes my thoughts have taken over three whole pages. But the thing about journaling is that it’s really hard for me to actually pick up the journal and make myself start writing. It’s because I know it’ll be good for me to be in touch with my emotion (which I HATE btw). So, I’m thinking this whole blog thing will help me out with that… we’ll see.

I first wanted to start this blog when I was going through a tough patch in my life. I was in so much denial about all of these events and situation that were happening in my life.  I kept pushing and pushing my emotions away from my mind until suddenly they would all burst out at once. I would do this for months. Push the emotions away, break down, and repeat.

Finally, one situation showed me that it was okay for me to break.

It was okay for me to feel the way I was feeling.

It was okay for me to be upset.

It was okay to not understand why.

Every feeling I had was okay, and I finally came to that realization.

There was once specific day I remember walking to class. I was super early (for the first time in my entire life) so I sat outside on the patio of Reese Phifer, the building where my class was. I pulled out my computer, opened up a blank word document, and started typing the first things that came to my mind. No organization, no plan, just my emotions and thoughts:

Something is only a big deal if you make it one.

What do you want to become a big deal?

Is it worth being a big deal or would you lose more than you would gain?

Making a small situation into a big deal can happen in 1 second.

Most of the time, it’s not worth it.

Don’t talk about it unless it is to people you fully trust.

Don’t give the situation the attention it doesn’t deserve.

What you can do is feel.

You can feel upset. Sad. Angry. Confused. Worried. Empathetic.

Just because the situation isn’t a ‘big deal’ doesn’t mean that you can’t feel what you are feeling in the situation.

Another thing.

Don’t let anyone tell you what you can or cannot feel.

What you feel is what you are feeling for a reason.

The feeling wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t supposed to be.

Feel what you are feeling.

Rereading these words of encouragement and affirmation I wrote for myself at one of my lowest points gives me so much courage. It shows me that in the midst of my trials, I am learning something much greater than what I am facing.

These words had no direction, no plan. They were written as how I felt.

Moral of this story is that it can be hard to be honest with yourself and how you feel. One thing I’ve had to learn is that you can try all you want, but your feelings are there for a reason. You can’t pretend they aren’t there, and they disappear. You have to FEEL them.

No, I’m not saying to tell everyone how you feel to ‘get it out of your system’.

No, I’m not saying to sit in your bed for weeks on end with ice cream and tissues.

I am saying to feel your feelings in the ways that will benefit you. Maybe it looks like talking to your best friend about it. Maybe it looks like taking a little more time for yourself each day. Do what is best for YOU. We tend to forget to do this. Always focus on yourself and your feelings. Be selfish at times. The culture we live in makes this harder by the day, but this does not mean it is impossible.

So, if you don’t remember anything I typed out today, remember to choose yourself, to love yourself, and to feel your feelings.

Start journaling even if it doesn’t make any sense. Do something small for yourself each day. Small steps make for big ones in the long run! You can do this, trust me!

Xoxo,

Shelbs!